Who Is Out There?

I look in the full length mirror and sigh.  Why do I sigh? Perhaps it's because when I look in the mirror I stare at my slumped right side of my body.  How odd.  I don't pity myself this is not what its about.  I don't actually know why I look in the mirror.  I was never a vain individual.  As a matter of fact I was once the ugly duckling.  Going through school I was very thin, pale and had very curly hair.  I was not in the popular group, one would say I was the nerd.  I didn't blend well with my peers because my English wasn't the best coming from another country and I was a easy target.  Life in my early years and through high school was a nightmare.  After I went to college I began to flourish.
No more click groups, no more pressure, just living and breathing art.  As my inspiration for art flowered so did I.  I was no longer the ugly duckling or that awkward little thin girl.  I had become a beautiful young lady that involved herself in anything and everything.  My art form enabled me to express myself and allowed me to meet many individuals whom shared the same interests.  As my life and looks changed so did those who wanted to be around me.  I became the individual who everyone wanted to be around.  It's funny really, all it took was for me bloom physically to put myself out there and my life changed.  As my successes became more in the public eye it seemed more friends (so called friends) surrounded me.  It felt wonderful of course, until truth be told I wanted to be left alone.  I was still that shy nerdy girl in the inside.  So why except me now.  I still didn't smoke, drink or party and was still a virgin.  I learned very quickly that we as people can be very shallow.  All that was required of me was to change dress attire add some makeup and there it was people took notice of me.  One thing that never changed was my passion for art.  So there it is  I am still that European woman with pale skin and dark brown eyes.  I have gotten older yet I have been found to be attractive by men and women.  I still live for art.  But, something has changed I am no longer surrounded by people for my beauty or my art.  I rather have one great friend then many false friends. I thank God for my RSD/CRPS1, I can't hate him for it.  I can't ask why? It just is.  What happen to me was my destiny.  I endure pain everyday and challenge myself.  I can honestly say that this injury has changed my life.  I now see through the eyes of the disabled and want to make a difference.  All it takes is a beginning to spread the word.  All we need is a helping hand not pity, just a friendly smile.  Disabled does not have to mean we are any different than anyone else.  Make a difference open a door for someone.  Has anyone noticed that not all doors are handicapped accessible ?  I for one have had to ask for help to get in or out of  store.  All we need is just a helping hand lets make a difference.  Smile tomorrow is not promised to anyone, live, laugh, love and have faith each other.