The Book

Through the blur she sailed becoming one with the surrounding Silk.  All beauty she beheld through wondrous eyes.  Her diamond armor shimmered in the blur of golden light.  Her limbs now transformed melted away into one with the showering waves. 

The Silk warmed beneath the Sun God wavered a loving smile.  He rocked softly lapping the shore with his caress.  His loving fingers wet and warm reach the surface of lands dear homes.  He laid his love upon the grass with kindness which had been passed.  Upon his fingers did he feel the pain of words which  could not be healed.  His fingers splayed from this ordeal began to wither here.  A sour taste rose within him for words of ignorance which came to pass.  For those that judge in Gods true light, that wield the Book in their own delight, He forgave us all with his own red blood.  We all belong, who are we to judge. Let the Maker sort things out.  Hold your tongues for those that hate, spread the Love with a kiss of Faith.

His fingers wet and warm retreated back to their home.  His lapping waves reached shore no more.

With breath that could not be taken she dove deeply and descended.  All received her with open glees, hearts that rang out through the sea.

 

Caress

Ever so softly she glided upon the lake, her white sleeves dimpled with droplets which covered her with glee.  Quietly, gently she uncurled her neck for all to see.  The Sun God kissed her lashes ever so briefly.  She stretched and fluttered not very gracefully as she did so they giggled feverishly.  The droplets swirled, expanded and jiggled making her very dizzy.  Tingling kisses began to nimble at her beautiful webbed feet.  Sensations of strangeness overcame her identity.  She lunged her beautiful long neck into the silk creating ripples in time.  To her wonder and surprise these things were alive.  Her heart sang with joy to see such creatures with enormous eyes.  They glistened and shined underneath such a blur, with such possibilities for a new world of hope.  They tugged and pulled and before long she was gone.

Her body slim and long, no longer soft and fluffy all signs of the Moon God had dissipated.  Her body covered in diamonds played with light of the Sun.  What colors behold, an array of majestic rainbows danced in the folds of the green type grass.  Replaced  her white sleeves by flowing fins which waved like a flag.  The silk so loving, so warm caressed her every move, so fluid she felt as one with a dream.  Her eyes so glassy and wide what a world to see. 

The silk sang a song of warmth of need to be one.  She flowed with the one till her body became free.  Ecstasy she found, she sang to the dimples for all the creatures to see.  She wiggled, she swayed she swam free to the sea.  Such power in motion from just one caress can you see.  She swam for miles her skin so alive happy to send her energy to those with no power.

Gentle

She speaks to me with a voice of harps at a glow.  Its soft subtle melody showering me with silver coins.  Kindness and understanding is all she seeks, yet no one can see.  Blinded are those with booming loudness.  Her tranquil thoughts may not always prevail against the rain of harshness.  Those may consider her harps as a sign of weakness.  Torment to be heard turns to sadness  which can never be displayed.  The Boomers raise their voice so thunderous to only display arrogance.

Her flight continues in the silver Heavens with every stroke a moments passing.  Her beauty travels through out all the madness.  Rays of white does her lovely feathers leave for all to see in the morning light. 

With diamonds playing in the evening light she glances down heading for a moments dive.  With fingers tickling at her powder fluff she lands upon the pool of lights.  Dimples cry out with glee for she has landed so gracefully.  She tucks her gentle head in and listens to the singing weeds.

For those that seek, one need not be big and strong, nor we need to be high in stature.  A gentle heart only seeks communion with all.

Transgressions

Her graceful legs landed on the clearing with precise placement.  Her long graceful neck tilted upwards towards her Moon God.  She wiggled her perfect ears and relaxed her stance.  Gently her lush eyelashes swept upwards exposing her beautiful brown eyes.  The silver thread from the Moon played against her caramel coat.  She quivered in the evening dew, sighing her legs gently buckled bringing her to the nestled blades.  Oh so carefully she laid her head upon the earth where slumber greeted her peacefully.

She dreamt of dreams long past, confusion in the mist.  Turmoil, chaos, and guilt.  Snake like tendrils wrapped themselves around her, slowly suffocating her inner soul.  Her heart beat wildly trying to pull away from the horrible tendrils that traveled in a fluid consistency.  "Run" she heard it say.  "Run."  Within her dream state she rose to her true form and clawed her way out and ran. "Yes" it hissed taunting her.  As she ran swirls of mist engulfed her every route to escape the thing from within.  Her fist sized heart beat hard against her chest taking her breath away.  She took her slender arms and reached upwards towards her short cropped hair.  Dark black eyeliner streaked down her pale face.  "RUN!" Came the voice no longer hissing.  But, then it came.  Time stood still, no longer did tears sting her flesh.  No, no longer did her heart beat violently trying to escape. No.  She stood upon the darkened earth and with one breath she stilled herself.  Waves of emotion caressed her warm naked self.  She knew then.  She wrapped her arms around the mist and breathed them in, they where hers' after all.  As they became one the light broke through the dark and opened the gates of sand.

Her limbs gave way, no longer where they flesh, velvet or caramel fur.  Her arms became engulfed with beautiful white sleeves, her legs awkward on land became webbed and wonderful.  Her neck narrow, elegant curved in a perfect ring.  Her head so different, so pretty, so dainty, was not to be out shined by any other.  She received the call of the Heavens and took flight to the Moon and kissed him so sweetly upon his lips.

Only you can forgive your own transgressions.  Take hold of them, embrace them.  Freedom is the truth.

Words That Blunder

Within the dampened earth I slumber, the scent of life fills my nose with wonder.  Comfort comes to me from within where no one else can see.  My brown eyes give way and stare into epic darkness of my domain.  My Goodluckers soft as fine feathers brush away the sand of Father Time and I am awakened.  My long proud ears swivel to the evenings calls, I am there.  Within a moments pause my petite wet nose begins to tingle, oh the joy to be filled with a million senses.  My tiny heart fills with excitement the lure of the Moon God beckons to me.  Stretch your powerful legs, feel the earth between your paws, go greet the winds of tomorrow for you are free.  My velvet self gently pokes her tiny glistening nose out of her beloved home and she is free.  She feels the pull of the dance in the mid-night air, before long the adrenaline in her veins pump frantically and she is gone.

She sits beneath the window and kisses the singing blades her mind is calm, stress free.  She feels the comfort of the planted Sunny Faces, she lays between their swaying graces.  Until, it came the odd voices of those from within.  Her thin elegant ears swiveled here and there not really knowing what to do.  Her velvet plush tensed upon her making her smaller in size.  The voices.  Tension, nervous, anger and then it came.  The night air bristled and sparked and her tiny heart missed a couple sweet beats.  The voices raised with booming clutter, the music of splendor stolen by those inside.  No longer the Sunny Faces swayed with contentment, the sweet blades wilted in sadness.  The ugly voices twisted and scared, the love, compassion all wasted away by noises that blunder. 

The Fairies singing pierced her heart a time to react, not to falter.  Rise up.  What are words if not man made.  Raging emotions which spiral out control.  Words.  Just words, they cannot harm you, be strong.  Be better, forgive and continue on.  Sing, whisper the word of love, not words of blunder.  Sing until you find your song and your whisper has become an opera of incredible power.  Thunderous music which fills the Wind to caress the trees, leaves that will glide into the springs which will carry its singing.  Spread the Word, not the blunder.  As her passion sang to the earth, her legs sprouted upwards toward the Heavens. Long thin and graceful for all to see.  Her body broad, lean and muscular, her velvet now smooth, sleek and rough.  Her head swirled, the stars all laughed with glee look up at me.  Her nose no longer petite as could be.  Wet was the black thing shiny, large no longer a twitchy funny thing.  Her eyes large, beautiful, caring, deep and loving swept upwards carefully.  Her long eyelashes sparkled with the glow of the Moon God.  Amazingly she felt tall, she lowered her beautiful long neck.  The little lights all joyous sung out, her ears not so tall any longer but perfectly created stood at attention.  The voices no longer blundered but became still in the air as they looked upon the beauty that stood ever so clear.  Frozen, blinded by the light, her glossy nose breathed in the smell of the voices, no longer did they thunder.  Her heart beat rapidly, excitement grew once again the Fairies danced around her head.  Then with one big thrust she sprang forward leaping in the night.  Her white bloom of fluff bouncing in the silver light.  The voices laughed with wonder as she bucked, jumped and played.

Words of blunder no more.  Words are only words, but, LOVE is a very different story.  Let us blunder no more, but if we do remember the blooming fluff bouncing in the silver night.

To be inspired. . . to drink from the flowing springs.  To walk above the gentlest blades of dew kissed grass.  To feel the wind speaking to the trees.  To have my almond brown eyes sting from the harsh glow of the burning Sun God.  My nose flares with the touch of sweetness from the honeysuckles in the damp summer night. To have my pale skin glisten in  the light of our moon.   My eyes close ever so slowly and I am one with her. 

The tingling in my nose begins to twitch, how funny it should feel to have ones nose twitch.  My ears begin to swivel amplifying the singing of the luscious black crickets in the weeds.  My skin which is covered in such plush velvety fur has become sleek at the sound of the endless crying at a distance.  I open my doe like eyes and see the beauty of the Moon God.  Oh what splendor, what gifts has he bestowed upon the human children.  Such innocence which we easily throw away.  Take hold of the beauty, look deeply within the earth.  My heart begins to flutter quickly with the flicker of the Fairies wings.  They flicker here and there between the Glories of the night and my excitement grows within me to run free.  With the flickering of my tiny heart I spring forward with such immense power.  I glide through the air his fingers running through my velvet self.  The music flows with electricity through my body as my powerful Goodlucks fall upon the blades.  I leap up in the air and feel as if I have kissed the Moon its self.  I have been freed.  I  leap and dance with the fairies of the night. I kick, leap and jolt myself through the forest I am free.  I hear the laughter in me.  Just be.  Why walk when one can run. 

Arm,Hip, and Legs Are Gifts Given To You

I woke up this morning to an incredible pain going down from my lower hips to my pelvic area and down my right leg.  My mind not all together there wondered what is this?  I stirred for while wondering if I was caught in some kind of dream, until I realized I was awake.  I pulled myself out of bed and looked at my partner laying beside my warm sheets.  I stared at him through wet puffy eyes, I wanted to wake him to let him know that I was hurting, within one split second I changed my mind.  Why disturb him?  Pain nothing new there.  It's a moment of weakness, to want to be cuddled.  I gently slip down off my bed feeling as if my pelvic area and right leg where going to burst into flames.  I slip downstairs and head for my refuge and nice cup of hot coffee.  I battle the urge to go sit and complete my task.  I take a deep sigh and walk back upstairs.  My mother who I live with for now begins to talk to me oblivious of my condition, I continue towards the stairs gripping the railing with the only thought of my soft cozy chair.  I guide myself through the hallway and see my prize I head towards her and slump into it's arms.  God help me.  I think to myself and I thank him.  He has helped me I am here.  I made it out of bed and into the arms of my soft retreat.  You say this isn't much?  I have a different opinion. My Lord has always been there.  Yes, it's true.  I go back in mind and recall the moment when I first met him, met my Father.  I lay my head back against the soft plush comfort of prize and melt away into that moment in time.  I was going through a stressful time period in my life. To put it short and sweet my life has not been easy.  I've been a soul that has made mistakes as well as someone who gives to much of themselves.  So be as it may it is what it is.  I remember or shall I say feel, smell and see my memory.  My body felt so light as I pulled away from the shell that lay in comfort between the sheets of the bed.  I looked down and could see my lover laying still asleep.  I began floating upwards ever so softly having the sense or perhaps the feel that I was wearing a soft, white flowing gown of some type.  I could feel it around my legs as I glided upwards towards a parting in the sky or should I say the heavens.  I can only describe the heavens or the beginning of Heaven as the moment when a thunderstorm is about to begin and there is a break of light within the immense darkness that forms a peek hole of sorts that looks like a beginning of a tunnel.  I know you probably think its so cliché.  But, remember one thing I have nothing to gain from this.  I am willing to take ridicule and put myself  out there.  That I write the truth is what matters and only that.  Remember, when I came back to my blog I had written I brought the best parts of me to the present.  Which means, well take it as you think.  Let me go on.  I felt guided   towards the white tunnel, no that's not right it was more like a whitish bluish piercing light that radiated and brought me inward.  As I glided inward into the light there were people to the right and the left of me.  I could see and at the same time I could feel them, some kind of energy warmth.  Although I could see my vision was as if seeing through a bluish white light, almost dreamy like, as if in soft fog, cloud.  Words can't explain it or feel it.  Wait.  Word.  I have just awaken out of thought.  Someone mentioned "The Word" a title of a movie to me. Is it coincidence that I am writing this today?  I'll ponder this later.  Let's go back.  I felt fingers touching me, moving me along the tunnel.  I was searching out for faces, faces of those past someone I would recognize I knew where I was.  The light warmed my body, my flowing gown.  No one was there.  I proceeded in the light and asked within my  mind "where is my grandmother?" no one answered.  Once again I called out and this time a voice came to me.  The Voice, deep, clear and strong.  Then I knew, it was my God.  I searched for his face but not see one.  I felt his voice, his warmth, his strength all around me.  I was so calm, safe, warm wanting to be with him.  Words not good enough.  I felt light, content, peaceful.  He told me that it was not time, I should not be there.  I asked him why was no  one hear to greet me?  The only answer I received was I should not be there.  I insisted, I was then told that my child needed me, that my partner needed me, that others needed me. But, I didn't care, I wanted to stay.  I told the voice I didn't care. My child, how could I not care I wanted to leave everything.  I was willing to leave my child without a mother.  I recoil at this thought ever since.  Anger came from the voice, I was awakened by a piercing scream in my bedroom.  My lover shaking me awake, my arms out stretched towards the ceiling, I then realized the scream was coming from me.  Since that moment "knowing" as I call it, I revisit this moment which its triggered by certain lights and headlights which seems to bring me back to that time.  It is vivid now as it was many years ago.  I did mention smell, the smell of something flowers but, not flowers something soft, comforting.  Words again. I was given two visions, two painting that I am to paint. For those of you that don't know me I am a fine artist.  I have done a sketch of one of these visions and put it away many years ago where it sits in my drawer tucked away.  I have not begun the final piece.  The second vision I have not touched, for some reason I falter, or deep inside push it to the back of my mind. I am not willing to touch this one yet.  One day I will know when it is time.  Just remember, I am not just a young women with RSD/CRPS1.  Everyday is a challenge and although I may shed a tear in the privacy of my room I smile at all the glory I have yet to experience.

Who Is Out There?

I look in the full length mirror and sigh.  Why do I sigh? Perhaps it's because when I look in the mirror I stare at my slumped right side of my body.  How odd.  I don't pity myself this is not what its about.  I don't actually know why I look in the mirror.  I was never a vain individual.  As a matter of fact I was once the ugly duckling.  Going through school I was very thin, pale and had very curly hair.  I was not in the popular group, one would say I was the nerd.  I didn't blend well with my peers because my English wasn't the best coming from another country and I was a easy target.  Life in my early years and through high school was a nightmare.  After I went to college I began to flourish.
No more click groups, no more pressure, just living and breathing art.  As my inspiration for art flowered so did I.  I was no longer the ugly duckling or that awkward little thin girl.  I had become a beautiful young lady that involved herself in anything and everything.  My art form enabled me to express myself and allowed me to meet many individuals whom shared the same interests.  As my life and looks changed so did those who wanted to be around me.  I became the individual who everyone wanted to be around.  It's funny really, all it took was for me bloom physically to put myself out there and my life changed.  As my successes became more in the public eye it seemed more friends (so called friends) surrounded me.  It felt wonderful of course, until truth be told I wanted to be left alone.  I was still that shy nerdy girl in the inside.  So why except me now.  I still didn't smoke, drink or party and was still a virgin.  I learned very quickly that we as people can be very shallow.  All that was required of me was to change dress attire add some makeup and there it was people took notice of me.  One thing that never changed was my passion for art.  So there it is  I am still that European woman with pale skin and dark brown eyes.  I have gotten older yet I have been found to be attractive by men and women.  I still live for art.  But, something has changed I am no longer surrounded by people for my beauty or my art.  I rather have one great friend then many false friends. I thank God for my RSD/CRPS1, I can't hate him for it.  I can't ask why? It just is.  What happen to me was my destiny.  I endure pain everyday and challenge myself.  I can honestly say that this injury has changed my life.  I now see through the eyes of the disabled and want to make a difference.  All it takes is a beginning to spread the word.  All we need is a helping hand not pity, just a friendly smile.  Disabled does not have to mean we are any different than anyone else.  Make a difference open a door for someone.  Has anyone noticed that not all doors are handicapped accessible ?  I for one have had to ask for help to get in or out of  store.  All we need is just a helping hand lets make a difference.  Smile tomorrow is not promised to anyone, live, laugh, love and have faith each other.