I search among the skies flying as high as my soul will carry me.  But, still I am trapped within my pain.  The Red Screamn Dragon (RSD) has captured me.  I scream from within but no one can hear me.  I cry in silence as my tears roll down my face burning me.  Caged within these four walls  my body shakes and no one can see me.  Caged within these four walls no one can hear me.  To be hidden, to be isolated from others causes me desperation.  But, I must be strong no one must see.  Those who surround must not suffer my state of mind at the moment.  My pain screams through my body as a snake squeezes its' prey.  My lips are silent and I scream from within.  To be normal once again.  What does that mean?  With my affliction I have learned to see the joy in the smallest detail of life.  There those that just can't understand or perhaps it is easier for them ignore my challenge.  However,  when my (RSD) is flared up without control where is the compassion that I seek.  A moment of sweetness as a humming bird drinks from its favorite flower.  Kindness, a moment to speak to me, to help me along.  Pick me up for I have fallen and my knees' have betrayed me.  The strength has been taken away from me, won't you just hold me for a moment.  Lips quiver and I am alone just me and my Red Screamn Dragon.  Don't be embarrassed by me.  For those of you that only see the mask that I wear I pity you.  Although you miss judge my appearance ( 115 pounds, 5ft1, and love fashion, and makeup) its all fake.  If you would get to know me you would know I love nature, I love my sweats,  I love fishing, I love art and most of all I love to be touched).  Most people take for granted the touch of another human being. To feel an embrace without cringing from pain.  To have my hand held without pain.  To mingle with others but, at the same time fearing that someone might reach out to my afflicted part of my body.  To be guarded takes away energy.  For those that seem to be bothered by me I ask no help I ask for understanding perhaps even some affection and support.  Perhaps you don't know how to give.  But, you give your compassion to total strangers.  Could it be you hide yourself from me?  Why do I write in this blog?  I write to be heard even if its from strangers, just maybe someone may have kind word to say, or maybe they will just listen.  What has caused such a disturbance from my (RSD) ?  MY challenge, my love of art to express myself.  I have begun myself portrait but, the root of my despair is the holding of a simple paint brush between my fingers.  My paint brush use to be an extension of myself, now its a trigger of self torture.  For the art of love I will continue, tears will stain my canvas but, it is Myself Portrait.